This is a fun, silly read but there is something to be learned from it, too. In each case, the trainer takes credit for the event based on his or her method. A trainer or owner can get a dog to behave as desired by a variety of means. The difference is in what side-effects the methods have. IMHO, if a dog presents with confidence, cheerfulness, and eagerness to cooperate with the handler, whatever method is being used is the right one for that dog....or that chicken.


Pavlov: We fed the chicken on the opposite side of the road each day at 4 p.m. until the chicken’s autonomic system actually began causing the chicken to cross the road at 4 p.m. without even questioning the “why.”

B.F. Skinner: On prior occasions when the chicken voluntarily crossed the road, this behavior was followed immediately by a reinforcing consequence.

Cesar Milan: I loomed over, "sst!"-ed, poked, and intimidated the chicken until it hurried across the road in a calm, submissive state because it understood from my energy that I am a strong leader.

Barbara Woodhouse: You just say, “Walkies” with the right accent and place a crumpet on the other side of the road.

Karen Pryor: By associating R+ with road crossing and P+ with standing still, with a VR schedule, and offering a reward in keeping with the Premack principle, we increased the intensity and frequency of the road crossing behavior.

Bill Koehler: A few well-timed pops on the choke chain and that chick was happy to cross the road.

Nicholas Dodman
: I gave the chicken fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine, carbamazepine, and azapirone and then it was happy to cross the road.

Patti Ruzzo: I crossed the road, pausing every step to spit a treat out of my mouth like a human pez dispenser and the chicken followed along catching the treats.

Yuppie: Chickens are just like little people in feather jackets, and if you love them and give them diamonds and feel sorry for them all the time, they will be happy to cross the road for you.

Paris Hilton
: Because I put it in a Gucci bag and carried it.


I edited but did not write these adages. This piece can be found in various forms across the Wide Web and I could not find an original credit for it. If you know who originally wrote it, let me know!  Shasta Dogs Webmaster